I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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