"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
