it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
