i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
