so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
