The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize