Pappa wants mamma naked
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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