Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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