mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
