She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
