You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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