sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
