Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
