the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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