I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
