you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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