): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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