Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
