i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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