Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize