Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
