I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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