you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
