Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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