so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
