god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
