i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize