Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
