so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
