I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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