I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
