I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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