well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I love having hate sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i think my cat just said my name.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
