I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
