I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
