I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
