fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize