I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
