I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this just has baby written all over it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
