Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
