Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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