Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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