I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
