Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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