the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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