We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
