I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
