i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
