i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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