my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hippo gnu deer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
