I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i came on her dog
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
