I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
