I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize