bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
