accomplished twins. life is a go
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
