Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
