dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
