i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
