Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
