you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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