I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
