Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
