Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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