I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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