People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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