umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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