i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
