White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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