Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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