There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
