I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
