Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
