Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
