I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize