This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
