textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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